Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
