i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
