some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize