No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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