i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
