talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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