Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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