I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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