Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
