her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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