Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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