guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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