i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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