i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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