Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
