I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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