Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize