I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize