As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
