I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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