Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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