I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
