my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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