So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
organizing the empties. That sober.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
