**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
