great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm gonna fight the coyote
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
