i permit you to call me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
