What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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