He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
