I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
