Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
