drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize