Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
