I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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