Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Who did Billy Mays play for?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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