Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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