I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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