yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
