Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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