My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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