I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
