Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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