I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I did not marry a roomba.
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