just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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