very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
