I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
