3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
