my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
