Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
