i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
