How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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