i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
