Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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