My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
