At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
