Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How does one acquire holy water?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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