she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
