all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
