neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
