genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
