the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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