that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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