I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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