There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
