She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize