You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
