dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
