I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
