she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
