how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
