I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
