My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
