And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
