who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize