there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize