I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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