apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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