I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
