nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
