turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
