Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
