i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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