I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So vagazzling was a success
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