am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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